Marking Rachel
by fayehanna
Summary: Title subject to change. Slightly AU with going in to Rachel's time in captivity from the very beginning. WILL contain spoilers up until current episodes (if I ever catch up) and WILL contain graphic scenes including rape, psychological abuse, and physical abuse. This is my first fanfic so please critique it and don't hold anything back!
1. Chapter 1

_**Authors notes: I don't own any of this. Also, if anyone would like to help me beta, it would be very much appreciated. Just send me a pm :)**_

"I came, just like you asked." She said simply, staring at the man she once called family.

"We didn't want you, we wanted Ben," Miles retorted, barely making eye contact. The guilt of her actually being in front of him quickly began to sink into his soul and ooze out of his pores. Rachel could smell it on him. With a quick, curt nod however, he motioned for the soldiers to put her in shackles.

When Rachel arrived to her living quarters she shivered, she had been used to living in squalor since the blackout but this was a whole different story. What had clearly been a solitary confinement jail cell at some point was now her new home. _ How long would Miles actually keep her here?_ She didn't want to think about that just yet..

The first week wasn't so bad, Rachel paced her 6 by 8 foot cell and recounted scientific theories that she hadn't thought about since finishing her thesis. Every night a meal was pushed through the slot on the door near the floor. She began to think her food may be being drugged around the third night when she again awoke to fresh supplies right inside the door. A 2 gallon jug of water, toilet paper, and a clean pair of undergarments were always waiting for her though she never woke to the sound of the heavy door being pushed open. This theory was confirmed the night she decided to go to bed hungry and wait to see her captors, they never came.

The second week was getting worse as boredom took it's toll on her, she had begun to use the corner of her food tray to mark the passing days. The marking was important to her. A passage of time and a schedule she could keep to were very important to Rachel to avoid going crazy. She also had started to wash her clothes and herself, the smell was starting to get to her.

As the third week ended Rachel realized that before too long she would likely begin to exhibit SHU Syndrome* characteristics. She had read about SHU Syndrome in her Psych class and knew the dangers. She hoped that by being aware of what was to come, she could prepare herself mentally for it. But there is no way to prepare yourself for the hallucinations that were coming around the corner.

Even with the drugged food she was having problems sleeping, she tossed and turned on her cot hoping to find some reprieve from the depression caused by three weeks of solitary confinement. Suddenly she shot out of her cot looking wide eyed and terrified, was that a baby's cry? Could they have brought Danny here so soon? She whirled around in a fit trying to determine where the sound had come from. She decided near the door would be the best place to try and began to pull the food slot open. The cries started again and as the slot opened, she saw him. Her perfect bundle of bliss was laying naked and cold right outside the door. Danny's frail cries only stopped when his asthma attacks began to wreak havoc on his tiny body. Rachel was determined to open the door, open the slot further, anything to stop the crying. Her fingers began to bleed as she cried and tugged in a pathetic effort to save her child. Eventually she succumbed to the drugs and anguish and fell asleep on the floor sobbing.

"Rachel, get up."

"Raaayyyyycheeeell, you going to get up or should I come back later?"

"No, no, I'm getting up, Ben. Just give me a sec, I feel like I got hit by a truck last night," Rachel winced without opening her eyes.

"Maybe it's your punishment?" Ben asked with an inquisitive tone.

"Punishment for what, you dork?" Rachels body still ached all over so she hadn't quite opened her eyes yet.

"Being such a fucking slut."

Her pale blue eyes shot open as she attempted to fight back against dream-Ben. Her achy body however, kept her on the ground.

"I...Ben? What are you talking about?" She immediately shook her head, realizing that this must be a hallucination from being alone for so long. But dream-Ben was relentless.

"You are the worst mother I have ever seen." He whispered into her ear.

"I should have never married you." He said from across the room. He was everywhere at once, spitting poison at her from all directions. Rachel covered her ears in an attempt to drown out the vile that was coming her way. She knew she deserved it, she was worthless and had that affair, she was a monster who deserved it all; but it didn't stop the pain. Rachel ended up in a ball under her cot sobbing hysterically and clawing at her ears. Her once beautiful hair was knotted to the side of her head from her attempts to rip her own ears off. She eventually fell into a fitful sleep, her small body convulsing violently under the bed.

"Mommy?"

"Mommy, you awake?" Rachel groggily opened her eyes to her little girl, Charlie standing over her.

"Yes, sweetie, mommy is here!" Rachel was so grateful, it had all been a dream! She pulled her daughter in for a hug and held her tightly, finally feeling at peace.

"Mommy, can you do me a favor?"

"Of course, darling! Anything you wish!" Rachel pulled back so she could look in her daughters familiar eyes.

"Can you kill yourself?"

"W..What..?" Rachel was mortified and looked around their living room for Ben, how could their sweet girl speak to her like this?!

"Just stop eating, it'll be better for all of us if you just died already." Rachel started shaking violently and suddenly the familiar living room scene was replaced by the small jail cell. She was alone and scared.

The next few days continued in this manner, the hallucinations became more and more violent towards her as they urged her to just end it all. Rachel was beginning to consider their demands and had stopped eating entirely, this went on for a few days until she was greeted by a new visitor.

"Rachel?" She didn't want to look up at the voice. It sounded familiar but she couldn't quite place it. She had just ripped a bit of hair out of her head and was inspecting the scalp that had come along with it. She was nearly mad and half starved when the voice spoke again. "Rachel, it's me. Are you okay? I'm so, so sorry this has been happening to you. Come with me and I'll take care of you, we'll get you cleaned up." Rachel finally looked up to meet icey blue eyes.

"Shebashtin?" Her first word in weeks tasted like a burnt ember in her mouth.

"Heh, you recognize me? I'm so honored. Here, take my hand. I've drawn a bath for you." He reached out with kind eyes and a soft smile, helping her to her feet. She hadn't been touched in so long that her body started violently shaking upon the contact. "I'm - shit. I'm sorry. I didn't know he put you down here. Hell, I didn't even know you were here! He told me that we were waiting for Ben to arrive. I've only just received word that you were down here."

"Miles..? Miles is the one who left me here?" Rachel was feeling so many mixed emotions and combined with her hunger she began to feel weak. The room started spinning and she felt big, strong arms catch her before she hit the ground.

When Rachel awoke she was greeted by the faintest aroma of cooked pork. It was the most amazing thing that graced her nostrils since the blackout. She imagined a whole cooked pig before her, ready to be devoured. She clenched her eyes shut tighter without opening them. The hallucinations were getting much to life-like for her tastes.

"Rachel?" A voice came from a distance and when her eyes snapped open they quickly took in her surroundings, observing every detail in a moments time. The beautiful blonde immediately noticed that it was in fact Sebastian Monroe standing across the room from her and he was accompanied by a kind looking woman who was holding a pitcher of water. "Hey, Rach… I don't want to freak you out again but, you're probably thirsty. The guards finally told me they had been drugging you… I'm just.. I feel.. responsible and so so sorry that you were in there for so long. I promise that it won't happen again." Rachel still didn't speak, she had lifted her head slightly off the down pillows and blinked slowly. She smelled amazing. Noticing that she was looking down at the fresh clothes Monroe quickly followed with an apology, "Oh god, you think I…? No, no. Alissa here took care of you. She cleaned you up and put some fresh clothes on you. I hope that's okay. We just wanted you to be able to get up and eat right away and wanted you to feel comfortable, that's all!" Rachel was trying to recall her last interaction with Monroe, it had been many years but she didn't remember him being so damn awkward.

* Here is more information regarding SHU Syndrome, it is very real and happens to people in solitary confinement for too long wiki/Solitary_confinement#Psychiatric

A/N: Please please review and let me know what you think, I'm very new to this and would like to give you the best story possible!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

Rachel had never eaten so much in her life and begun to wonder if she would ever stop eating. Her face that had grown so pale was beginning to show signs of color already. Monroe watched with quiet amusement as she stuffed her face with nearly everything on the table. After the garbage they had been feeding her for weeks, a real meal tasted so much better than it ever had. She was very nervous about Monroes intentions, though. The whole operation was in his name and he did seem to be the leader of it all. Everyone referred to him as President or, "sir". _How had Miles been able to keep her captivity a secret from him for so long if he really was in charge?_

"How are you feeling? Any better?" Monroe's tone was soft and kind as he looked into her eyes, seeing far too much. Rachel broke eye contact with him as she felt as though he was looking too far into her, she felt naked. She was still having problems talking after being silent for so long so instead she just gave him a curt nod and continued eating. "I'm not sure what I'm going to be able to do with you when Miles comes back. He's already been gone for a month but should be back within the next month or two. You can obviously live here until he returns but I'm not sure if I'll be able to swing it once he gets back, he is still pissed after all."

"He's?" Rachel seemed surprised at her own voice and stopped to clear her throat for a minute, "He's pissed at ME?" She had intended to sound so much stronger, braver than how the words came out. When she spoke it instead sounded like a meek child asking for permission.

"He's…. Disappointed is all. He really wanted Ben to be the one to come, since he seems to think that Ben can turn the power back on." Rachel studied her plate for a minute and muttered something under her breath. "What was that?" Monroe raised an eyebrow and leaned in, hoping to hear what she was quietly saying to herself.

"Nothing, I..I didn't say anything at all." She shrank further into herself and wouldn't look him in the eyes. She could feel her palms sweating and she began to shake again. _Why is my body reacting this way?_ She eyed her palms carefully. _He's been nothing but nice to me… Miles is the monster here._

"Rachel, you seem frightened. I promise you, I will never hurt you. You don't need to be nervous around me."

"I just said that… Ben isn't the only one who knows what happened is all."

"Who else knows?" Monroe leaned far too close to her and couldn't hide the excitement in his eyes. They were electric, dancing over her face for any signs of information.

"I don't know, I uh… Just know he wasn't working alone." _Oh, damn. Why did I say anything? He can't be trusted.. I'm such a fool._

"Oh, okay. Just…. Don't let Miles know about that, okay? Who knows what he'd do to you if he thought you knew more." Rachel's blood ran cold at the thought. The Boston Butcher, her brother in law, had left her in a small confined cell for weeks and could do more to her if he discovered she had any other information. Best to just keep her mouth shut and never say anything.

"So… Since Miles doesn't want me here, and you uh, seem to be on my side… Why not let me go? Stage an escape, anything Just let me see my kids again." Rachel was hopeful, Bas had been so nice to her so far, maybe if she batted her eyes enough and played the hapless housewife he would actually let her go. She watched as he seemed to consider her request, his icy blue eyes were dancing again. He sighed as he leaned forward.

"Rachel… You know that Miles is my best friend right?" He leaned back and seemed to be suddenly so full of regret that he might explode, "I don't know if I can do something that would betray him so harshly. He wants you here, Rachel. He hopes that having you here will bring Ben in - "

"It won't! He won't come! Not with having the kids, and…. He's never forgiven me. He won't come no matter what Miles does, doesn't he know that?" Rachel was desperate as she searched his face for any signs of empathy, _he was so hard to read!_ He sighed again as his brow furrowed and he leaned forward on his knees. As he leaned his head into his hands, Rachel found herself looking at his hair and thinking about running her fingers through it. _What is wrong with me?!_

"I feel so badly that you're here," He began with a heavy sigh, "So yes, I will help you. We'll stage an escape but I'll need time to get the right crew together. Many of these guys are loyal to Miles and wouldn't cross him no matter what I asked." Rachel was elated, _this hadn't been that bad!_ She was actually going to be free and she was going to be able to see her children again! Though she didn't know if she would ever be able to get the images of the hallucinations out of her head, she thought with a shiver up her spine.

"I don't want to seem ungrateful, Bas, but how long do you think it'll take to get a crew together?" Rachel asked with her wry smile and eyebrow slightly raised.

"Maybe a month or two? Miles will need to be here to see it, otherwise he'll think I'm lying." Rachel looked downtrodden at the thought of being here another month, "You can stay here though, until he gets back. You'll only have to be in the cell for a night or two, promise."

"And Miles won't be able to stop it?" She seemed so vulnerable on the outside in the three seconds it took for the sentence to come out. Monroe felt a slight tug at his heart looking into the pale blue eyes.

"He usually hits the bottle pretty hard when he returns from a mission, we'll be fine."


End file.
